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12:53 p.m. - 2002-08-28
More Whacked Note: this is the second entry for today, you may suffer through my first one here A careful reader might have noticed in my previous entry that I left out the details of yesterday�s whackedness and If I�m doing better now� That�s because I don�t think I can sum it up really� mainly cause I don�t think I�m through it yet. My head is still swarming, my friends are still taking my brunt, and my defenses are on Delta alert. After coming to the conclusion that all of this boils down to the core of me, I contemplated my possible resolutions. I could always put up the preverbal �walls�. Or just fade away and becoming a woodworking recluse and live out of my garage. Note: I�m not being sarcastic. Or or or�. I dunno� honestly I don�t know if there is any solution of this all. I have been working real hard in my relationships to provide the best Fritz I can to them� and be happy with whatever I get in return� And for the most part I�ve done well by that� here�s the thing� When, recently, my loved ones started pushing me to settle / get over this Purple issue. They freely pointed all the ways that she was a bad friend to me. How she was hurting me� Yes, she was hurting me, but I�d argue that I rarely, if ever, told her that� Cause I was attempting that whole be happy with what I got approach. Their come back was that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that if she was any sort of friend she would have known what she was doing� Well they had a point� I mean it makes sense doesn�t it? Ahhhh but now here we are, I done it� I�ve severed the friendship and I�m trying to make sense of it all. But now when looking at my relationships with the very same loved ones I�m often seeing these same discrepancies in our relationships.. Maybe not quite to such extent. Maybe I�m just being oversensitive� Yet it is there� How am I supposed to handle this?� How am I supposed to handle this now? Mostly though I�m overwhelmed in shame / in guilt.. over the extent to which this is affecting me and my loved ones. omorfia, Mindy & gingerbug Thanks guys for you sweet guest book notes� Take care, -Fritz It�s been cool - 2005-05-18 If you happen to have a surplus of funds, please feel free to buy something for little old me off my Wish list. You will earn my undying love and gratitude. ;) |
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