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3:19 p.m. - 2002-07-15
That Dream Again I had that dream again� I don�t really have same dreams over and over� it�s more like dream themes. There are three that keep coming back. Two, more emotionally charging than the third. Fortunately the third kind is by far the most common. It�s the video game theme (yes, more proof of my dorkness, as if it needed any proving) wherein I�m the first person character / player of some game. The game changes in each dream and is surprisingly often unrelated to any game I may or may not be playing at the time. The mere fact that in the dream I think / know I�m just playing a game, makes it considerably less emotional.. I can sit back / storm the enemy / whatever and be chill cause it�s just a game (and unbeknownst then, just a dream too). They�re fun dreams. Alas, that was not last night. Last night�s dream was a highschool theme dream. I dream I�m back in highscool but for some reason or another I can�t remember where / what my classes are (maybe cause it was SIX years ago!). My fellow classmates are helpful as they can be but I�m usually near panic level. It�s never quite the same school / layout and who I remember / decide to call my classmates change from dream to dream. However, the emotional whiplash is pretty much a constant. During the dream I�m becoming panicky but trying to keep chill infront of my peers� very internalized.. But once I wake up there�s an immediate and strong feeling of reminiscent melancholy. The last type of reoccurring dream theme is one in which my EBF comes back into my life in some unavoidable way and everyone else seem to be perfectly cool and comfortable with it. That type of dream haunts me the longest� On the topic of my EBF� hehehe I had some guilty pleasure surrounding her this weekend� I saw the new Red Hot Chili Peppers video. You see, she was a huge� Huge� HUGE! Fan of them. Well, in their new video Flea (their often clothing impaired bassist of which my EBF was esp fond of) comes to the rescue in� an orange early 70�s convertible SUV (Ford Branco to be exact)� Which certainly harkens memories of Dasie� (Dasie is my 1971 Bright orange convertible GMC Jimmy which I�m driving in that pic up there and now is resting in my garage) Anyways� I know when she see that video she won�t be able to think of me. There�s something delicious there� I�m now linked to her favorite band� just her try and forget about me now� Cause isn�t that what I�m really afraid of? I don�t know� I don�t know what I�m afraid of� I mean maybe it�s more that I fear I somehow caused her more harm than good, that she is better off without� I guess that�s my biggest fear. My biggest goal in my friendships is to be the best Fritz I can be for people� It�s just nerveracking to think that ended up being something she wanted to runaway from. *sigh* Today�s Lessons -If you want to get you hair cut on Sunday at a Haircuttery, Go on Saturday. -Guys and Dolls is not nearly as bad as a male might think. -White is no wuss -You can over the course of a weekend think up hundreds of �lessons� and forget them all by Monday -pepperoni does not grow on a tree (no matter what one of Silver�s coworkers was brought up believing) -Apparently to the gods that be, Being engaged is equivalent to living out of state. -Oh and also being able to pop a wheelie on a motorcycle at a streetlight makes one �cool�. -I have only to real options to support my materialistic ideals� Win the lottery (twice!) or be adopted by Bill Gates. Both are equally likely to occur Well much love goes out to the-bijou for sign my good old Guest Book and a big huge massive profuse-amount go forth upon blu-iguana for two things, A) listing me as a fav. And B) calling me �delicious�� probably one of my favorite complements of all time. Take care, -Fritz It�s been cool - 2005-05-18 If you happen to have a surplus of funds, please feel free to buy something for little old me off my Wish list. You will earn my undying love and gratitude. ;) |
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