 |
|
|
Sign Here
Visitors:
Visitors:
|
1:45 p.m. - 2002-06-19
Soul selling So, continuing on this weeks Isn�t life beautiful theme� I was asked yesterday �Fritz how did you get such a wonderful life so young? Did you sell you soul to the devil?� Ok, so I wasn�t really asked this. Although I dreamt that some did. Does that count? Eh fuck it, I�m answering the question anyhow asked or not. The answer is, while the selling of my soul would have explained a lot of my good fortune, it can�t be sold. It doesn�t exist. Yup there I said it, I have no soul. Why you may not ask? I don�t know. I discovered its absence during elementary school when I was taking electric guitar lessons. I took them for almost six years but the only thing I learned was that I had no soul. What happened to it, where it went, remains a mystery today. Maybe I was born without it, like a birth defect or something. Hell perhaps my parents sold it off.. I mean I was their first-born. I wonder how much the soul of your first-born can fetch ya? All I know it that by the time I started taking guitar lesson it was gone. In fact my 3rd grade experience with Cello lessons suggests it might have been missing as early as then. Do you think I, myself might have sold it off before then� I mean I do vividly remember having this nightmare although at the time I thought I was very much real (this folks, is not a joke) when I was� well, it had to be when I was like 4 or younger cause my mom was still alive. I dreamt that a red face appeared above my parent�s window one night as I was sleeping with them and spoke to me. I have no recollection of what was said, I just knew I was quite scared and thus woke my parents up screaming.. like ya do. Maybe that actually was the devil and maybe I had actually agreed to sell my soul. But come on� aren�t there laws about children entering into binding contracts? Hmmm that dream what ever it was still haunts me today.. How I ever became so lucky may never be known� but believe I am excruciatingly grateful.. and I try as I might to share it with all that I can. I try.. I really do� This all reminds me of a realization that hit me last week. And I mean it hit me has hard as a realization can. I was involved in a conversation about baby videos. I remember my dad telling me at some point that there was somewhere some film of me as a baby that he and my mom took. This never really interested me, I�m just not that fascinated to know what I was like as a baby, until last week when I made the connection. He and my mom made them� meaning there is very good chance that my mom would be in them too. I have no moving memories of what she was like. What if there was film of her? So this weekend as I was visiting my dad for dadday I asked him if I was correct in thinking that such films existed. I could see the impact of realization hit him too. Not only did he acknowledge their existence he added that when they got a camera they went all out and got a fancy one for that time� the film has an encoded sound track!!! I may be able to see AND hear my mom� He�s going to see if he can find them and something to play them on. In the mean time I�m just jittery about the whole thing� there are a gazillion emotions wrapped around it too the point where for the most part I try not to think of them� Actually there�s a part of me (albeit small part) that doesn�t want see them� that is scared to� scared to be let down in some way� The rest of can�t wait� Trust me you all know when I get to see them� Thank you Candace & Sami for your Guest Book love. Oh and BTW Candace touch�! You�re right I should be a lot less sporadic in my updates�. I�ll try to do better� esp if I know you�re reading! Take care, -Fritz It�s been cool - 2005-05-18 If you happen to have a surplus of funds, please feel free to buy something for little old me off my Wish list. You will earn my undying love and gratitude. ;) |
My
Favorite Diaries
 (shutupyoda)
|
