Around here the true beginning of fall is not marked by the coloring of the tress but by opening of Maryland�s Renaissance festival, AKA Renfest. I�m sure you all are familiar with the concept� I shalln�t bother explaining it. This years outing felt much more worthwhile than usual� the food was especially yummy, the shows especially funny, and atmosphere� just magical! Took in mud, improvisational, Shakespearian and Hypnosis shows�Would have stayed even longer if I hadn�t been exhausted due to 4hrs of previous nights sleep.

I got back from last weeks bus trip with more work then I had when I left� but that�s how these things work� When everyone figures out how to make everything better, it always means everyone has to-do more. More is better. Ahhh�. But being a 1000 miles from everyone and everything here was not good. Not good at all. Due to distance and due to circumstances etc� I, Thursday night, ended up drafting a diary entry titled �The Worst� It was not good to the most extreme extent. I poured out how I was feeling, What I foresaw happing and what (little) I could do about it. No matter how times I rewrote it and tangents I tried to get distracted on� I kept coming to the worst of conclusions the worst of consequences. I wasn�t even able to type my thoughts. Not able to bare that train of thought I called Maroon. Thanks to her I made it home.

I�m doing better than that now. But I still have no idea what to do with some of these feelings some of these perpetual problems that although related, are on top of the whole Purple mess. I�m really at a lost. There are no solutions which are acceptable and the problems are rooted in me at my core. I�m all for self-improvement and have, I think, achieve bounds in becoming a �better Fritz� Especially a better Fritz to my friends. But my insecurities come from the same forces / the same experiences which have shaped the best parts of who I am. I�m beyond brooding over this Sh1t,I�m living it on a daily basis. And it sucks because it�s my one Achilles heel and its F*cking everything up. Eh� enough

Today�s lessons

-One should never volunteer for a public demonstration of hypnosis. Cause if doesn�t work you look silly and if it does� well that aint pretty either.

-Steak on a stick, Pork Chop on a stick, Cheesecake on a stick, Shrimp on a stick� yeah all yummy money makers but the real winner is the stick seller.

-There is a definite need and role for movies which require no thought and get you to laugh.

-One can create a kick ass vegetarian stroganoff just by scrounging their kitchen for ingredients.

-The world is full of beautiful people and most of then hang out at renaissance festivals.

-Geeky computer analogies can be used to accurately describe complex interpersonal workings.

Lastly thanks much to Marla, omorfia& blu for their Guest Book love.

Take care,

Fritz