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10:20 a.m. - 2003-01-24
A New Hope And I�m not talking StarWars III� It was rough� real rough. But I think I�ve managed to demonstrate to my loved ones that there are parts of me that are immutable. And that these parts directly caused the things that they love in me and the things they wish I didn�t have� Moreover, they are one in the same. I knew this. I knew this months ago� When I started to fear if, I as I intrinsically am, could honestly work in this world. So I spilled it out to everyone.. I said hey� �I have finally learned that this is me� this is how I will always be. Please love me and accept me as I am� Some said �no that�s cool� Some said �Sorry yo but that�s F#$%ed up�� But the ones that are closest said to be �don�t worry everything is going to be alright� I took that as confirmation that not only did they accept me as I am but thought the world would too� But what I started to realized and what the causing the majority of the stress lately was that when they said things were going to be alright they were thinking that I at some point would change these very parts of me that I said were unchangeable� GRRRRrrrrrr This explains why instead of things getting better recently.. they got worse� Cause they thought I was changing and I thought they were accepting me. But alas, last night that all finally came out. The pivotal point was summed in this quote from Sliver� �It�s your fault really, you�re such a wonderful caring and giving Fritz, I thought there was nothing you couldn�t do, nothing you couldn�t change�� exactly� finally� they get it. Now I get to have hope again. True hope. Take care, Fritz PS thanks you guys for you gbook love yesterday. It was very appreciated. It�s been cool - 2005-05-18 If you happen to have a surplus of funds, please feel free to buy something for little old me off my Wish list. You will earn my undying love and gratitude. ;) |
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